The SFPD's Halloween
by Kisses on the Bottom
Summary: Penguins, Cheetahs, Boxers...oh my! Can Mal, Natara, Amy, Ken, and Captain Yeong survive Halloween?


**First off, I'd like everyone to know that my friend Ryley wrote this story. She doesn't really know how to set up her own account yet, so she asked me to post this under my account. So, the original "Tiny Pteranodon" AKA Kelsey didn't write this.**

**Phew, glad I got that off my chest.**

**With that in mind, please review so Ryley can write more funny fanfictions? Hopefully, on her own account.**

…

Mal walked stiffly down the dimly lit road. He couldn't believe he was here. Tonight of all nights, he could be doing anything…he could be working! The strange noises of the night surrounded him, his vision was clouded by a mixture of darkness and light. If he could just clear his head and think…

"Now, Mal!" said Captain Yeong cheerfully strutting down the street in her Japanese penguin costume. "Halloween is a time for calm, distinguished relaxation! Not worrying!" She affectionately reached over, squinted her eyes, and pinched his cheek. Mal, who was wearing his usual jacket and white-collared shirt, scowled and swiped her hand away, rubbing his cheek.

"I just don't see _why_ we had to come all the way out here just to do some dumb trick-or-treating!" he said hotly.

Just then, Natara, dressed as a cheetah, came up from behind and playfully slapped Mal on the back. "Ohh don't worry, Captain! He's just a little cranky because he hasn't had any candy yet…and besides, he needs a costume! Hmm…" She thought about what she could use for a costume; then she jerked up a finger in inspiration! Natara reached into her bag and yanked out an old strap-on wolf snout, and snapped it onto Mal's face.

"_OW_!" yelled Mal, rubbing his face in pain.

"Tee-hee!" giggled Natara, and skipped off. Mal glared after her, but followed.

After half an hour of getting set up with bags for collecting candy, they began to look for houses. Natara spoke up. "Hey!" she said, pointing. "That looks like a good house!" They all looked over. It had lots of decorations; it did look like a good house, so they walked over. Natara rang the doorbell. The door opened, and a nice-looking black couple opened the door.

"TRICKORTREAT!" they all screamed, Mal only half-heartedly.

"Oh!" said the woman putting a hand to her chest. "Well it looks like we have a whole _zoo_ on our hands! Let's see…it looks like we have…a cheetah, a penguin, and…a puppy! Uhh, HYUH HYUH HYUH!"

"I'm a _wolf_," grunted Mal.

The woman's face took on a sarcastic look. "Oh. I _see_. Darrel, get the candy." Then she smirked at Mal as her husband gave Natara a king-sized Kit Kat, Captain Yeong a large pack of sour punch straws, and Mal a small pack of fruit snacks. As the couple shut the door, Mal sadly stared down at his fruit snacks. Captain Yeong took pity on him.

"Ohh, Mal dear, you can have my sour straws! I've never eaten candy in my life. It makes one quite uncalm!"

"Oh, uhh...thanks," replied Mal, taking them.

"Now, Captain!" said Natara. "It's Halloween! Have some candy…you've been a great captain…you deserve it!"

Captain Yeong looked nervous. "Well uh, Natara, I really don't think that's good _KLGHHHH!_" She was interrupted as Natara shoved a sugary sour punch straw into her mouth.

Natara stood back and closed her eyes proudly. But Mal just stared in awe.

"There you go, Captain!" she said.

"Um, Natara?" said Mal uneasily.

"_What_ Mal?" she answered angrily. All he had to do was point.

Captain Yeong's eyes were wider than ping pong balls. A large grin crept slowly across her face.

"C..Captain?" squeaked Natara.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEA!"

And in a cloud of dust, Captain Yeong was gone.

"Oh no…" said Natara, rubbing her face in her hands.

"Well I guess we know why she never eats candy…" chuckled Mal. Natara glared at him. He was about to make a defensive remark, when a black car pulled up, and a large black man and a woman hopped out.

"Hi Ken! Hi Amy!" called Natara warmly. Ken was dressed in a robe, and Amy was dressed as a fairy.

"Hi, Nat!" replied Ken. Just then, the captain came zooming by.

"EEEEEEEEE!" she screamed, pretending to be an airplane.

"Uhh, what's gotten into the captain?" whispered Ken, looking worried.

"Oh, uhh.."

"She had herself a…sweet treat…" laughed Mal. He was actually beginning to enjoy himself a little.

"Well that would explain her zooming around pretending to be an airplane!" laughed Amy.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOWM!" screamed the captain as she zoomed by a second time; this time, she yanked Ken's robe off of him, revealing a boxer's outfit. Ken blushed heavily.

"Whoa!" laughed Mal. "So _that__'__s_what you were hiding under there!"

"Oh my, Ken! What are you supposed to be?" questioned Natara.

"Well, uhhh, umm, uhh…"

"He's a _boxer_," said Amy, rolling her eyes. "He wanted to surprise all the women out here by ripping off his robe. That's the only reason he came, to pick up women."

"No!" said Ken hotly. "I came for the candy to—why _hello_ there!" he stopped as he saw a half-naked witch waving and giggling at him. "If you kind people will just uhh…excuse me, for a minute…" he strolled over to the woman as they all burst out laughing.

"Well," said Amy after they had all stopped laughing, "I'm going to see which houses have the most candy…and maybe even…" she held up a small roll of toilet paper. "Hee-hee!"

Natara laughed. "Amy, you've never been the type to TP!"

Amy looked confused. "TP? I meant go to the bathroom! Those Snickers bars give me so much trouble..." she shrugged and skipped off, leaving Mal and Natara staring after her awkwardly.

Mal and Natara went to so many houses. They got all kinds of candy, and had a great time. Mal was getting a little cranky though. He was tired of walked around, and the wolf snout was giving him marks on his face. Suddenly, he saw a familiar face…no, it couldn't be…

The man darted behind a bush. Yes! It could! It was him…

"Natara…come here, quick!"

"What is it?" They ducked behind a bush.

"I…I think I just saw Leroy Brannigan!"

Natara looked worried. "No, Mal…no. You couldn't have seen him. You've had a long night, and you've probably had too much candy or something…you probably imagined it!"

Mal looked her sternly in the eye. "I saw what I saw."

"No…you're hallucinating."

"I saw. What I saw."

Natara sighed. "All right, _fine_. I'll go along with your little game. But if it's not him…"

"You have my word."

"All right." They stood up and eased over to where Mal had seen the man. They took extra care not to be seen by anyone, in case they were recognized.

"He was right here…" said Mal, gesturing to an area behind a large hedge.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm positi—"

A storm of crazy string flew right out at them! "Hah-HAH! Trick-or-treat, LOSERS!" Two teenage boys leaped out and dashed away from Mal and Natara, laughing as they went.

"Hooligans!" yelled Mal, shaking his fist, as Natara tried to get string out of her hair. "I can call the cops on you!"

The boys just laughed obnoxiously. "Hey old man! We've got loads more of this stuff…speak, and the lady goes!"

Mal pushed up his sleeves angrily. "You'll put that down if you know what's good for you! You mess with me, sure, but you mess with her…you just can't mess with her, she's delicate!"

Natara gasped.

"Ooooooooooh!" yelled the boys. Then they laughed again and ran away into the woods.

Mal turned around proudly, brushing off his hands. "Well, we handled that quite well, I think…" But Natara wasn't smiling. In fact, she was tapping her angry foot.

"Aww, come on, Nat? What's wro—?" _WHACK!_Natara gave him a punch in the face, turned, and began to march away.

"Aww, Nat, I'm sorry—" She whipped around and pointed a finger right in his chest.

"You!" she said furiously. "Don't _ever_ call me _delicate_ again! Now _stay__away__from__me_!" She whipped back around, marching away still, faster this time, the heels of her boots clicking against the street.

"Natara! Can't we just—?"

"_No._"

"Natara!"

"Go _away_, Mal!"

They came to an intersection.

"Dammit…I _hate_Halloween…Natara!"

"Go away!"

"Natara! Watch out for that—" _BEEP__BEEP!_

Natara gasped as Mal shoved her out of the way, just as a large car came speeding down the street. "_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH_!" shouted Mal as he was thrown to the side of the road from the impact of the car.

"_MAL_!" screamed Natara.

"Nhhhh…" Mal's eyelids fluttered open. A very gruesome, grinning skeleton wearing a sombrero was leaning over him. "AAAH!" shouted Mal, startled.

The skeleton just laughed. "Ah, ah, ah!"

Mal looked around. He was not laying on the side of the road. He was in what looked like a graveyard. The trick-or-treaters were gone, Natara and her screaming were gone… "W-where am I?"

The skeleton just grinned. "HOLA!" he yelled suddenly. "I am Mr. Bones! And _I_ am the ruler of this graveyard. My minions!" He gestured with a long, bony hand over to some young teenagers. Their eyes were sunken, and they stared into space. They walked slowly, and each carried a bag in their left hand. They were all going, "Uhhhhh…."

Mal was horrified. He had no idea where he was, or who these people were, but he _had_to get out of there.

Mr. Bones clapped his bony hands. "Escuchan! Yo necessito dos voluntaries! Two volunteers!" Two girls stepped out of the crowd. "Uhhhhh…" the said, hands outstretched. One had blond hair and was wearing a dirty, tattered white dress. The other had darker hair, concealed by fake dreadlocks, and was wearing baggy jeans. They walked slowly towards Mal, eyeing him hypnotically.

Mal gulped. "Mr….Mr. Bones? W-what's going on here?"

Mr. Bones grinned maliciously. "Well, Mr…_Mal_…I've been watching you this night. And I've not been muy feliz, very happy with what I see, oh no no no…" he said, shaking his head.

"What do you mean?" asked Mal, eyeing the approaching minions.

"Oh, Mal, I have seen that you do not have the Halloween spirit! You claim you _hate_ Halloween? Tsk tsk, that will never do. I'm afraid we will have to do away with you. Minions!" He snapped his finger. The two minions came closer.

"No!" screamed Mal! "No! No! I _love_ Halloween, I promise you! I, I love it! Please…_please_! AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

The minions reached out to Mal and began to shake him. "Mal!" they screamed. "_Mal_!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"MAL!"

Mal jerked his eyelids open. "Wha—! No! Mr. Bones!"

"Mal! Thank goodness you're all right…" Natara bent over, and her tight miniskirt rode up.

"Ahh…" sighed Mal as he looked at it. Suddenly, he felt a searing pain in his forehead. "Ah!" he said, clutching it in agony. "Where's…Mr…_Bones_…"

Natara looked worried. "Oh no…that car must have hit you harder than I thought…come on…" she helped him up.

"Natara…I'm so confused…he came, and then…and then…"

She put a finger to his lips. "Shh…you deserve a reward for saving my life…" She puckered up her lips. Mal grinned and puckered up his. They leaned in for the kill. They were almost there…

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!" screamed Captain Yeong as she zipped through them, wearing all kinds of costume parts she had stolen from little kids.

"WHOA!" Mal and Natara shouted as they fell to the ground.

"WHOOPS!" screamed Captain Yeong. "AWKWARD! AHAHAHAHA! Scooting away now…"

Mal sighed. He could hear Ken in the background now, flirting…("Ya see this Now or Later? Well you can have me now…or _later_! And ya see this Kit Kat? Here's a kit…for a _kat_! And ya see this Hershey's? Ya see her, she's…ohh. Ohh! Excuse me…") Just then, Ken ran behind a bush...he had eaten a little too much candy.

Natara just grinned. "I bet this was a pretty lousy Halloween for ya, huh?"

Mal smiled. "What are you talking about? Because of this, I'll never hate Halloween again! Mr. Bones will make sure of that…"

"What?" asked Natara, puzzled.

"Ohh, nothing," replied Mal as he pulled her into a kiss.


End file.
